It's A Good Day

My last chemo treatment for 2011 is done, the black week has passed and I am fairly normal again. Wishing all of you a Happy Thanksgiving today; I am reminded of how grateful I am to be alive to enjoy it and ever mindful of the needs of others less fortunate. While we are all busy this holiday season, please take time to stop and breathe, take time to listen to your body. If your preventative illness procedures are being put off, don't, go get them done while your deductible is probably met this year, and the next year will fly by in a flash. Take care of yourself so your are healthy, happy and available to tend to others. Be good and enjoy each day. No treatment in December as even terminal patients need a break and I am so looking forward to this one. :) See you in January barring anything new happening in December. Thank you all for your support and prayers; they are always appreciated.

Life is Good

Well, despite the diagnosis, life is good. That's the way I see it, so it is. :) I finally feel good after my down week and have one more chemo treatment next week, then..... a long awaited reprieve. Taking December off may not be the best chemo plan but I need it after eleven months of treatment this year alone. It is a time to rebuild the immune system, the personal energy aura, the positive attitude and a time to get to some of those things on my bucket list. While I cannot work a normal job now, I have submitted my resume to God daily.... hopeful that he will let me continue to watch over my family and good friends. For one, I shall sit on her shoulder while she rides her hog, protecting her from harm, sticking her in the ribs when she barks the F word in the hopes she will just forgive those who do not meet her standards which is just about everyone... lol for another, I shall calm her when motherhood overwhelms her, whispering in her ear that she is a wonderful mom and hoping she will be empowered by that knowledge. For another I shall perch atop the Eiffel Tower in her dreams.... she will know I am there as I will be waving frantically, happy she is there again and again. For many I hope to come to them in prayer when they  need support. For my grandchildren I hope to be that gut feeling that guides them to do the right thing and grow into conscientious citizens who care about others, and I hope to be that fleeting kiss felt by my husband and children in the night when they wonder if I am okay. I will be okay and will always love them. My "bucket list" has not gotten any shorter so December will be my month to attack some items there and get them done. Occasonally I get pensive in my thoughts, not sad, just thoughtful. Today is one of those days. Looking forward to a little trip planned to erase cancer from my mind for a few days and then some time to think more about the needs of others instead of me. I cannot express how glad I will be to get next week over with and move on. In January, I will start anew and will continue to fight ever so hard to live with this. What will be, will be and I am okay with that but I have work to do yet and will not give up easily. Stay well my friends, eat healthy, take time to rejuvinate your body and soul and always, always seek only Positive Pursuits. Love you all.

Back Soon

Chemo yesterday and today and tomorrow. Starting to feel crummy, so will check out tomorrow when it comes off and then I am a goner until next Thursday. Send prayers, I need them every day..... thanks.

In Memory

Today, I  learned my cousin Melody was found dead in her sleep at home. While we had not been close for some years, we were connected as our family is small and communication existed for one reason or another. I have great memories of a childhood growing up with Melody, memories never forgotten even amid occasional family drama's.  We recently connected over deaths of a parent on both sides and had plans to reconnect in person soon. I am in shock.  She was my age and I, being the one with cancer, have adjusted to my expectations of longevity, however short or long. I know what I can expect, I know what I can fight for, I also know my life is in the hands of God... I can help, but I do not get to decide.  Melody's death is an abrupt reminder that we are fragile, even in the best of health, we can succumb to our bodies quirks. We can die of accident, we can die with some expectation, or we can just die with no warning at all.  It is a reminder to quit procratinating... do the things we want if we can without hesitation for in that hesitant moment our opportunity may be lost. While I have no fear of dying, with terminal cancer one comes to grip with that, having faith helps with that, but this kind of news makes me know I am as vunerable as the next person.... my next and most urgent task.... write.   I tell my husband, children, sister and friends how grateful I am to have them in my life. I tell my immediate family I love them deeply  but I do not elaborate. Tomorrow I shall write to all and save to my hard drive where my children know where to look in the event of my death. I need them to all know how special they are, how they have enriched my life, what my hopes and dreams are for each and I need to do this now. Yes, I do this in person, but writing brings such clarity to my feelings I need fulfill that need. A written legacy if you will, a means of support for them when I am gone, a reminder that I am blessed with such love from each of them, I cannot describe.  It is a precaution, just in case. xoxoxo

Breathe and Be Well

If the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart, then in living I have made my mark. Thomas L. Odem Jr.

     I am doing well. My most recent scan was most positive, showing shrinkage in all tumors on the liver. I had expected less despite my positive outlook as the one prior was not so good.  I must always remember that scans, like life, are a matter of interpretation. Therefore, results can vary and I do not take them as the sole source of determining how I am doing.  I feel well, except for a few days of discomfort during chemotherapy treatments, and have long ago resolved to see only the good in people, only the blessings in my life, and only the most positive outlook regarding the future.  The quote above is the essence of my being. While there could be many reasons the Lord has allowed me to do this well, I know that in my heart I hope to touch someone, friend, foe or stranger and add some small speck of joy to their lives. Whether by virtue of my words or actions, making someone feel better is my daily endeavor. If nothing else is accomplished in my life except a faint memory of me, nameless or not, having brought hope, joy, laughter or calm to someone in their lifetime, my time here is then worthwhile. 

My cancer treatment continues with the same cocktail I have had since February of this year. As long as scans show improvement, I shall continue. If not, I will attempt to resume my original treatment hoping the side effects are minimal until such time as I can no longer tolerate said treatment. My only option after that is Clinical Trials, Homeopathy medicine or other alternative treatment. I am hopeful my continued positive attitude will see me through those options and continue to show either improvement or simply stability. I will take either. The quote above, however simple, is a fine mandate for all of us, sick or not. It not only can change the life of another, but enhance our own lives more than you can know.

While lives are so busy for those of you employed, please, take time each day to take stock of what you are doing. If pressured, use meditation for ten minutes to relieve your body of inflammation. If ill, tend to it immediately. And if it is time to get that physical, ask questions and pursue preventative measures against cancer…. Screen early, it can save your life.

Pursue only positive pursuits… hugs to all, your support is appreciated.