Hello Again

Ahhhh a new year and that means change once again. I really would like to remind folks, especially those of us with dread disease, that management of one's own healthcare is of the utmost importance. Never take coverage for granted. Since my diagnosis in Jan of 2010 (it is now a year later) my healthcare plan (Cobra) has changed four times and each time brings forth the wrath of paperwork, coverage issues, higher deductibles and copays and premiums.... who says they are not allowed to hold Cancer against you, they do.  I am once again in the middle of a paperwork nightmare, trying to maintain a regular schedule of treatment while fighting tooth and nail to confirm coverages, prove payment of deductible paid to previous providers in the same coverage year and confirm acceptance before anyone touches me. I am so tired of this process and of hearing such words as "oh yes we forgot to mention that your disability status (which means I have a death stamp on my head) means your premium will be 250 dollars more than other member each month.... which is a nice, evasive way of saying, you have Cancer and you will pay for it one way or another.  Forget that healthcare costs eat away nearly all of my income and having the dumb disease prevents me from holding down a full time job so poverty is a life choice, that or death. Nice options. Okay Okay I know I am sounding cynical, but really, how can I not?

My first round of chemo after being off for two months was a rough one, coupled with the luck of contracting the flu.... miserable. Now, a week and a half later, I feel better but only have a few days before we start again.  I am still positive that this disease will not get the best of me, nor will I just die because some lame medical person says it will happen, but there are days when I wish for a "Calgon Moment" just to soak it all away....... only five more months of chemo before another break.  Please hurry.     Still looking for part time work, which will let me keep my disability income yet allow me to earn something to put toward costs and give me an opportunity to give something of me to someone. I do not like sitting around, I feel left out somehow, not useful, not needed (except for family.... I love you). I need to help someone in the world. It will help me feel better. So, still searching. Not much new in the research world so no news there. Now prepping for upcoming home sale and finding less expensive digs, of course, taxes are coming, ugh and I am still working to stay as healthy as possible. Lately I have not done well, eating wrong because I have taste again and thus am eating foods I hav emissed. I will lose taste soon so will pay closer attention to what I eat. I continue to be thankful for friends and family and prayer chains out there and to God. I need to regroup and start giving up all these worries to Him. How easily I forget I am not in control here.  Stay well folks, pay attention to your body and what it is telling you and seek only Positive Pursuits. :)

Back in Business

Pet Scan results were as expected... two small areas of tumor lit up which indicates slow growth over the two months I took off. No cancer cells evident anywhere other than the liver so good news there. Chemo was tough, I found myself slightly euphoric while off the weed killer, making plans as if I were well again... then the reminder....back to chemo, now and forever and plans, some of them, on hold or being revised to fit reality.  Trying to find a way to work part time to offset the ghastly costs of healthcare but not get in the way of continuing disability. Our income is so low, being laid off for nearly two years now and the cost of living with cancer is high... so anything can help. Coming back to chemo was not as easy this time... I hear, and now know, that when you take time off to gather your strength or put on a few pounds... it is a bit harder when you return. I was sick the day of chemo, short lived but sick none the less. That never happened much before. I expect fatigue tomorrow when I am done with the two and a half day stint of weed killer drip...we shall see. Sometimes I tire of the routine, appointments many, medical paperwork is always right up there, time seems short, and there is an abundance of things to do the get our lives in order. sigh.... I have put off going to the Cancer Center of America for now... not sure why.... just not ready to look at something else that is located where I do not wish to be....we shall see. I spoke with someone who went there but she went for reasons that do not interest me or are different for me. Besides, she was stage two or something and I would really like to chat with someone who is stage IV like myself. Anyway, on hold. I will continue on course, chemo for the next three months, scan and see if tumors shrink again, if so chemo working so we continue with periodic time off. Watching for increased side effects, none yet, which will prompt a change in chemicals... I will update. Thanks for listening. I need to sign off, caught a lousy cold which only compounds fatigue... and general yuk feeling. See you next post, stay positive.... that one was for me. :)

2011 & We are Off and Running

Hi, welcome back to my blog. Just a reminder if you are new here, I am a Stage IV Colon Cancer patient. My Cancer metastesized to the liver. I had the colon tumor removed but resection of the liver was not possible, hence, chemotherapy is my life partner! Yes I had the recommended colonoscopy but the doctor missed the tumor and I had no symptoms and a fluke infection landed me in the hospital where the discovery was made.... so now the journey continues.

I have been off chemo for two months. It happens with lifers (those of us who will likely never get off chemo as long as it works) we need a break now and then and since colon cancer is not a very aggressive cancer... does not grow that fast, I am able to stop now and then and pretend I am normal. lol  whatever that means.  It does, however, give me the opportunity to regain taste buds, slow down side effects of neuropathy and fatigue and put on a couple of pounds. :)

Just to start the year off right, I had a PET scan a couple days ago to allow me to see where I am and what the tumors on my liver have been up to while off chemo. I get back on the lab wagon tomorrow and meet with the oncologist in a few days, then chemotherapy resumes on an every other week basis. I am ready to face all that again... it is not hard and I do not get sick from chemo, just lethargic and I lose the ability to touch anything cold for awhile and cannot taste anything, so the weight I gained for Christmas will be gone by Valentines day. Chemo, or as I loving refer to as weed killer.... is just a reminder, and not a welcome one, that I am, in fact, sick.

I am looking into the Cancer Center of America, here in AZ as an option to get another opinion. I do not deny having cancer, just want someone else to affirm that my treatment is on track. If something better is out there, I want to know it.  That is coming and I will let you know the results.

I feel great, have a lot of energy, look just fine, never lost my hair.... and if I did not have my diagnosis in writing and bills large enough to wipe out a herd of buffalo.... I would argue that I am not sick. :)  Still trying to eat organic whenever I can affort it... and staying calm to avoid stress, and avoiding getting sick (flu etc) at great length in order to keep internal inflammation at a minimum. Meditation at night, music when I can....self massage when needed and just trying to participate in the healing process with all my might. I remain positively positive and am now looking for work again.... not sure how to squeeze in chemo and work but where there is a will, there will be a way.

So, come along, the journey continues..on January 26th it will be a year since my diagnosis! I am grateful for this past year and I pray I get to be grateful for the next. Stay well my friends, be proactive in your healthcare maintenance, and seek only Positive Pursuits.