I’m Am Good

Hi there. This is my daily ritual; I look at myself in the mirror and say: “today, I am okay”.

I am over the whole foreboding thing about not living, hell; I plan to live everyday as if it were my last. This should make for a grand ending to this book of my life and I look forward to making the book a trilogy…. I cannot complain. I feel fine except for six or seven days a month with minor side effects so far. I feel blessed for that. I have contingency plans in the event that gets worse and/or intolerable, but for now, I am good.


While I am done being weepy over the lack of medical treatment options, I still cry a lot but in a humble way. It never fails to crack my stoic wall as to receive a call, card or email from friends and family who wish me well or send thoughts of prayer. When I receive those, I am touched beyond comprehension hence tears of gratitude just well up and flow.

When you know that death will come sooner than later and you know how you will die (if you avoid the proverbial bus while on the journey), you sort of feel insignificant. I believe, for me, it is because I am no longer contributing to society, I am no longer the caregiver. For awhile, I sort of felt I ceased to be…. except to my husband and family who have pampered me like some sort of goddess, which I am not but for which I am thankful and to know that so many people care, so many pray, so many just think of me is a reminder that I am not insignificant, I am not a speck, I am so loved and it takes my breath away.

Right now, phone calls from my grandchildren are a delight even if comprehending the zeal of a two year old, the one word elaborations of a four year old and the whimsical lightening speed but very grown up chat from our six year old is a challenge sometimes. I look forward to the arrival of our daughters and their husbands and four fabulous grandchildren arriving for the Labor Day weekend. It will be a glorious zoo and I cannot wait to hold them all in my arms.

I thank God, every day for my family as they are my light, my reason to live, my legacy. And I thank God for so many friends and relatives who are the very foundation upon which I am supported. I thank God for the life I have lived and accept each day I receive as His gift to me, a miraculous one. Science may be a dead end right now, but Faith is not. I will hold on to that. Be well, be happy and try to live each day as if there is no tomorrow. :)