Time to rethink treatment

A family emergency caused me to request to skip a chemotherapy treatment. I did so as, to my understanding, colon cancer is relatively slow growing thus I did not hesitate to assist my elderly father who had been hospitalized. I fear his congenital heart disease is going to escalate as the months progress and my sister and I may lose him sooner than later. He has led a wonderful life and since he has no regrets, neither do I. I will accept his fate when it arrives. Upon my return, I resumed chemo. The usually all day affair at the clinic on Thursday, wear the 5FU chemical home for the next forty some odd hours, unhook the stuff on Saturday and then the usual: check out and sleep a couple days, feel kinda crummy, maybe have some bowel problems on the third, fourth or fifth day, then back to good again.  Only this time, such was not the case. I learned that my oncologist increased the dose of 5FU I was to receive.  I did not know this was to happen until I was hooked up to a larger pump instead of the usual "party ball" which I wear home for a couple days.  As a result, my body did not tolerate this new dose very well and I not only slept but was pretty sick for a few days.... not the usual.  Tomorrow I will make a call to my oncologist as I am not happy. I need to maintain a level of trust with my doctor. When she indiscriminately changes dosages without any discussion nor any supporting documentation to justify the act, I feel violated. This is my body, I make the decisions, I demand open communication, I want to be heard and I will be. My laboratory test results have all been very good, and for the past year my body has adapted well to the chemo drugs used in their original dose. If this act was merely "protocol", a standard for one and all, then I will revolt as I will not be considered one of the generic flock for treatment, I am uniquely me, my body reacts uniquely and needs to be evaluated in the same manner.  If I am to die, I will do so only after treating my body as something special, not because I am a number in a statistic, another body in a growing population... I will not be labeled one of the flock.... I prefer to think of myself as a polka dot sheep in a field of white.  It is time to rethink treatment.... can I rebuild trust in a doctor who does not consult? I am leary. I am not mean...we will have the discussion and I will probably give another chance but only one, then we move on... where, I do not know.  I know I will get past this sense of sickness I now experience, perhaps tomorrow, day four. I have been clear from the start, live or die, I will have quality of life, without it... well we'll see.   Stay well my friends, eat healthy, go as green as you can and if not for you seek only positive pursuits for your children.  :)

Sign of the Times

I have just come out of what I call "my dark days"; those four or five days after chemotherapy is removed and I slip away into another world, one that can only be described as "dark".  Now, a week later, I feel good and have regained energy levels and life is alive and light again. :)  I have to say that there are times when I question God. I believe He only gives us that which he knows we can handle, but I often ask that He not be so confident in me.  I lost my mom many years ago. She was a breast cancer survivor who later contracted Lung cancer. After treatment, surgery and what chemotherapy was available at that time, she succumbed to the disease after two long, painful and debilitating years. I was angry, and at that time I swore I would never allow myself to go through what she went through should I get cancer. Well, now I have it, stage IV and treatment has improved as I have not replicated her suffering. My misery is short lived, not so bad as hers, and only every other week. It is tiresome to think I will endure this for the rest of my life, however long that may be, or until a cure is found or I die. I try not to think that far ahead. My sis contracted breast cancer and thank God, she is a survivior. My father contracted bladder cancer and is also a survivior so far. My nephew, God  love him, is young and was just diagnosed with Leukemia. I am devastated for him but thankful his is stage one and treatable. He will need medication for life but hopefully will not have to endure chemotherapy.... the old weed killer treatment~  I pray he is one of the many patients who respond well and will be able to lead a normal and long life.  My point? For awhile I wondered if my family had been singled out somehow since so many of us seemed to be threatened by this dread disease. After some thought I believe not, I simply believe that our society has been tampering with our food, beverage and the very air we breathe for so long with cancer producing chemicals that it is simply catching up. Not just my family, but perhaps yours as well. This epidemic will only get worse unless we all do our part to reverse the cycle. Create clean air, eliminate pollutents from our lives, and eat organic avoiding man made chemicals that resemble food. Perhaps then, we can stop the epidemic in generations to come.  I am hopeful that because so many people are now affected by cancer, it is a prompt for an increase research to find a cure, for one, two or many forms of cancer. Headway is being made, but for me, not fast enough.  I hope my readers take head, no one is immune, no one is protected, and our own actions play such a role in good health, something we should never take for granted..... I did.  Well, here's wishing you a great weekend of SuperBowl fun... try not to eat too much junk food please and in view of current national weather conditions, stay warm.  Always seek only positive pursuits. Life is precious, life is good, life is a choice. Make a good one.