Hello Again

Ahhhh a new year and that means change once again. I really would like to remind folks, especially those of us with dread disease, that management of one's own healthcare is of the utmost importance. Never take coverage for granted. Since my diagnosis in Jan of 2010 (it is now a year later) my healthcare plan (Cobra) has changed four times and each time brings forth the wrath of paperwork, coverage issues, higher deductibles and copays and premiums.... who says they are not allowed to hold Cancer against you, they do.  I am once again in the middle of a paperwork nightmare, trying to maintain a regular schedule of treatment while fighting tooth and nail to confirm coverages, prove payment of deductible paid to previous providers in the same coverage year and confirm acceptance before anyone touches me. I am so tired of this process and of hearing such words as "oh yes we forgot to mention that your disability status (which means I have a death stamp on my head) means your premium will be 250 dollars more than other member each month.... which is a nice, evasive way of saying, you have Cancer and you will pay for it one way or another.  Forget that healthcare costs eat away nearly all of my income and having the dumb disease prevents me from holding down a full time job so poverty is a life choice, that or death. Nice options. Okay Okay I know I am sounding cynical, but really, how can I not?

My first round of chemo after being off for two months was a rough one, coupled with the luck of contracting the flu.... miserable. Now, a week and a half later, I feel better but only have a few days before we start again.  I am still positive that this disease will not get the best of me, nor will I just die because some lame medical person says it will happen, but there are days when I wish for a "Calgon Moment" just to soak it all away....... only five more months of chemo before another break.  Please hurry.     Still looking for part time work, which will let me keep my disability income yet allow me to earn something to put toward costs and give me an opportunity to give something of me to someone. I do not like sitting around, I feel left out somehow, not useful, not needed (except for family.... I love you). I need to help someone in the world. It will help me feel better. So, still searching. Not much new in the research world so no news there. Now prepping for upcoming home sale and finding less expensive digs, of course, taxes are coming, ugh and I am still working to stay as healthy as possible. Lately I have not done well, eating wrong because I have taste again and thus am eating foods I hav emissed. I will lose taste soon so will pay closer attention to what I eat. I continue to be thankful for friends and family and prayer chains out there and to God. I need to regroup and start giving up all these worries to Him. How easily I forget I am not in control here.  Stay well folks, pay attention to your body and what it is telling you and seek only Positive Pursuits. :)